Rethinking Screentime: Why Banning Backfires and How to Find Balance
It’s a scene many parents know well: you set a strict limit on screentime or ban certain apps altogether, only to find your child even more determined to get access. Whether it’s sneaking a phone under the covers or using a friend’s device, banning screens often fuels curiosity rather than solving the issue.
Why is this? And how can we find a healthier balance that works for both kids and parents?
Why Bans Backfire
When we strictly forbid screentime or certain digital activities, a few things happen:
🔸 Curiosity Intensifies: The forbidden becomes exciting. It’s human nature to be drawn to what’s off-limits.
🔸 Secrecy Increases: Kids may hide screen use or access it through friends or other means, creating a sense of deception.
🔸 Power Struggles Emerge: Total bans can lead to arguments and rebellion, eroding trust and connection.
It’s not just about access—it’s about control and curiosity. When kids feel they’re missing out, screens become even more alluring.
Finding Balance: What Works Instead
Rather than an all-or-nothing approach, consider strategies that help kids learn self-regulation and discover healthier alternatives.
🔸 Set Clear, Flexible Limits: Instead of banning, create reasonable boundaries—like device-free times (mealtimes, bedtime) or screentime limits that adjust based on age and needs.
🔸 Offer Choices: Let kids choose when to use their allotted screentime, helping them feel more in control and responsible.
🔸 Model Balanced Use: Show kids how you balance screen use with other activities, setting a positive example.
🔸 Create Engaging Alternatives: Fill their days with activities they love—sports, music, art, nature walks, or family board games. When kids are genuinely engaged, the pull of screens naturally lessens. Be a part of their life to find new, healthier interests!
🔸 Stay Curious and Supportive: Ask your kids what they enjoy about their favorite apps or games. Show interest without judgment, and use that knowledge to guide healthier digital habits.
Healthy Screentime Is About Balance, Not Bans
The goal isn’t to eliminate screentime altogether—it’s to help kids understand. Learn balance, self-control, and help widen their range of interests. Do it together!
When we shift from control to connection, we create an environment where screens aren’t the enemy, but just one part of a healthy, engaging life. Be a part of their life to find new, healthier interests!
Let’s Talk!
Do you struggle with setting screentime limits in your family? Have you found strategies that work for you? Children resort to the internet because they lack connection in their present world. Let’s make an effort to be present, be part of their world and be a part of their story to find their next interests.
International Youth Counseling Japan is dedicated to supporting the international community by offering accessible, culturally responsive counseling services for children and adolescents from diverse backgrounds living in Japan.
