“Not Another Breathing Exercise!” – Understanding Teen Resistance to Coping Tools
If you work with or parent a teenager, you’ve probably been met with an eye roll or sigh the moment you suggest a deep breathing exercise. “I already know that,” or “That doesn’t work,” are common responses. And the truth is—they’re not wrong. At least not entirely.
For many teens, especially those experiencing anxiety or emotional overwhelm, being told to “just breathe” can feel dismissive or overly simplistic. While breathing techniques are backed by science and can be incredibly effective, they can also sound cliché to a generation raised on TikTok hacks, instant access to information, and an ever-evolving language of self-awareness.
So, what’s the disconnect?
1. Breathing Isn’t the Problem—It’s the Approach
Many teens already know about breathing exercises. It’s been taught in classrooms, mental health apps, and social media. The issue isn’t the tool—it’s how and when it's introduced. If a teen is in a heightened emotional state, they’re unlikely to respond to logic or instruction. What they need in that moment is connection, not correction.
2. It Feels Like You're Saying "Calm Down"
Saying “take a deep breath” when someone is upset can feel like the modern equivalent of “calm down.” It may unintentionally invalidate their emotions. Instead, try mirroring what they’re feeling first: “This feels like a lot. Do you want to sit with it together for a sec?” Then, when they’re ready, offer a simple grounding tool, like breathing or a sensory reset.
3. Offer Options, Not Orders
Rather than prescribing a specific exercise, invite exploration. Ask, “Do you want to try something to help your body feel less tense?” or “Want to see what works for other people your age when they're feeling this way?” Framing it as curiosity, not a cure, helps teens feel agency in their own coping journey.
4. Make It Relatable
Breathing exercises don’t have to look like meditation. Try square breathing while playing music, or match the rhythm to a favorite song. Link it to sports training, performance nerves, or even gaming focus. When the practice connects to their world, it stops feeling like therapy and starts feeling useful.
5. Let Them Say No
The biggest power you can give a teen is the right to decline. Breathing isn’t always the answer—and that’s okay. Sometimes they just need silence, a walk, or a trusted person to sit beside them. When teens feel heard and not forced, they’re more likely to revisit the tools you offer—on their own terms.
6. Everyone Comes Into It at Their Own Time
Even as adults, many of us find ourselves resistant to things that seem “too simple” or “too out there”—until we’re ready. The same goes for teens. Sometimes, the most healing thing we can do is offer a safe, professional setting where they feel truly heard. Just talking about their issues, without being rushed into solutions, can be powerful. Over time, that kind of support can make them more open to ideas that once sounded unrealistic—like breathing exercises or mindfulness. The timing is different for everyone, and that’s okay.
Final Thoughts
Teen mental health support isn't about pushing techniques—it's about building trust. Breathing exercises are just one of many tools in the emotional toolbox. The more we listen, validate, and give space, the more likely teens are to pick up those tools when they really need them.
Let’s breathe together—but only when they’re ready.
International Youth Counseling Japan is dedicated to supporting the international community by offering accessible, culturally responsive counseling services for children and adolescents from diverse backgrounds living in Japan.
